must we conform, make ourselves fit?
or mould ourselves slowly, bit by bit,
inch ourselves in, by stealth and by lie
not letting them see just how hard we try
to smile when they joke, cry when they fall,
reflect their emotions, jump at their call,
nod our agreement, frown our displeasure,
forget all our emptiness – life lived at half measure;
do we know what we miss?
what could make us be whole?
or does ignorance appease
the ache in the soul?
So often, much too often for many on the spectrum, the society we find ourselves in is elusive, illusive, just beyond our grasp. No matter how much we read, observe, question – there is still an invisible chasm a footstep away.
This poem explores the personal emptiness and uncertainty that trying to conform to an alien society can engender.
Whether we choose to buck the system, conform to it, or become invisible within it; whether it’s a temporary expedient, or a life-long commitment, we should own those life choices as a step towards being free.