Reasons to go on: Poems, part 2

Reason to go on: External Pressures

Conformist
I do not look as you look:
burn out my eyes, make them mirrors.
I do not feel as you feel:
unpeel my skin; cement with stones.
I do not think as you think:
pluck out my mind; integrate with circuits.
Mirrors, stones, and circuits feel no pain.
Do you feel nothing?
Note: I was beginning to feel that I was a reject – unlike other people and unliked by other people

Attention seeking
don’t be so silly
you just want attention
but I could do things
that wont ease the tension
like walk around naked
so all eyes could see
or take goods from shops
and not pay the fee
such acts get you noticed
might be on TV
but they’d not relieve hurt
that is happening to me.

Reason to go on: Money

End of the Road
I’m at the end of the road
Nothing’s what it seems
No place to hide
No place inside
My head
the place of fearful dreams.
I’m at the end of the road
Can’t help feeling numb
No way to turn
Except to burn
myself.
The pain must surely come.
I’m at the end of the road
I’ve travelled for so long
No place to rest,
I’ve failed the test
my life
is just a weary song.

Sometimes in hospital I would not be allowed pencils for writing as they did not trust me with sharpeners. So I could still ‘write’ I had children’s plastic scissors that I used to cut words from magazines. This is one of my Collage Poems.

Being creative is the mainstay of my life, and poetry, prose, and photography is where I express my deepest emotions. I also enjoy the challenge of design and create jewellery, fabric bags, and garments and home items in yarn. Diagnosed with ASD at the age of 68 after fifty years in and out of the mental health system, I now aim to explore and share my experiences over these years. Apart from blogs and short articles I'll share my life in my verse and images.

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