Reasons to go on: Poems, part 3

Reason to go on: Guilt

see how she glimmers
thin sliver of light,
she smiles out my name
answers cries to unite;
she winks through the rainbow
shares secrets so sweet
plays the game to perfection;
till we’re ready to meet.
she touches my mind
caresses my soul
kisses my skin:
we are ready to roll;
she’s teasing my flesh
and preparing to maim,
she’s ready for union
and easing my pain;
she enters my body
sets life juices free,
we’re becoming blood sisters:
there’s freedom for me.
Note: a poem about the need for and pleasure of self-harm

Good Riddance
a series of short verses about being ‘just never good enough’

If I should die before I wake – that’s fine by me
In my head,
in my bed,
at my place,
in your face,
at about now,
dirty cow,
let’s end it all,
shout ‘last call’.
Time gen’men, please.

Where are you when I need you? SHUT UP!!!
Dirty girl wash me clean
faux pearl make me gleam
Let me quit I’ve had enough
Don’t want to be – Life’s too tough

Get it over with
Death has a blade
Keen & dry
Just keep still –
Stay where you lie
Don’t let death
pass you by
You cheated me
you told a lie
you gave me hope
now let me die
I need to feel
a pain so true
cut through the crap
that’s come from you

Cycles of health and deep despair
direct my days: stormy or fair
medication keeps me calm
acts like a balm
out of harm
sleep so deep fills my hours
saps my strength, saps my powers
medication keeps me calm
acts like a balm
out of harm
unable to read, unable to cope,
I’m left in a whirlwind of little hope
medication keeps me calm
acts like a balm
out of harm
is this the life that I desire?
stuck in a mire, lacking fire?
where is my fire?
what is my desire?