Do you find yourself having to explain stuff that shouldn’t need explaining? Or had negative feedback from someone you thought would understand?
I really don’t think I’m the only one.
Join the club.
I’ve written about this previously but something happened the other day that made me want to visit the subject again. I was on Facebook. On an Aspie site. The kind of site where you think ‘We’re all in this together. Supporting each other. If I post a positive comment in that vein then I shouldn’t expect a comeback.’ Wrong!
A fellow Aspie posted about weight issues – around 20k gained due to medication – and was wondering whether to go for surgery. Someone’s response was ‘If you can afford it …’ whereas most of the others were along the line of ‘Have you tried …’, ‘Needs serious thought …’, ‘I know someone who …’, ‘Happened to me …’. I added my own weight gain story with a couple of photos and said how things were improving, just to reinforce that surgery wasn’t the only option. Her response: ‘you do not look that bad’. If you know Eddie Izzard’s ‘Death Star Canteen’ sketch I felt like I was in the Darth Vader ‘this isn’t a game of who the f***?’ exchange. Maybe I was out of order but I didn’t think I’d said anything that had not been said by others. She didn’t have to reply, and I was left feeling like I’d been put in my place.
At the autism post-diagnosis group something came up about psychosis and that it can be a feature of the condition (or related mental health ones). I have bi-polar with psychosis and see, hear, and smell things especially when unwell. One of the people in the group asked what psychosis was. On being given an explanation his response was: ‘so it’s all in the imagination’. This was a man who got angry because his family and friends couldn’t accept he had autism – another ‘invisible’ disability. Talk about double standards.
Then there is the seemingly endless stream of individuals who need to put you down by explaining how serious their condition is.
Maybe I’m over-sensitive?
Is it any wonder that I prefer to keep away from people? I just want to get through each day as best I can.
No hassle. No confrontation. Just being me.
Is that so much to ask?
marilyn unmasked 
Never forget that negative comments say more about the writer (or speaker) than they do about the recipient.
…unless, of course, they are offering constructive criticism (being a writer, I have to give that proviso or no one will ever be honest about my writing). It is rarely difficult to tell the two types of comment apart.
I totally agree that genuine feedback is the only kind that is worthwhile and I don’t mind discussion over style or the mechanics of writing. Debating ethics and possibly contentious choice of subject is also okay.
What upset me (and others) about this kind of comment was that it attacked my feelings regarding my mental health and autism. I was responding to a situation that affected me personally, that had seriously upset me, and I was looking for support from a site that purported to do just that.
Anyway, I’m well over it now. Just needed a rant in order to move on. Thanks for your comments – and for reading my blog. I do love (need) to write and I’m not going to let anyone stop me. 😉✌ Have a wonderful writing week.