Rock Face: a poem on deflection

Rock Face – the poem

vocal assault of bluntness
parry and thrust of the joker
vacuous echoes filling space
avoidance of the interloper

face the rock you fear to scale
with truths that leave hands bloodied
by jagged fears and sleepless dreams
and a mind and soul fresh sullied

vocal assault of bluntness
parry and thrust of the joker
vacuous echoes filling space
avoidance of the interloper

Rock Face – the image
All aspects of this image are from photographs I have taken.
I have used the ‘magic eraser’, hue & saturation manipulation, blur tool, and cropping in Photoshop Elements.

Today I had an assessment / pre-course meeting for goal setting prior to beginning a DBT skills course for people with autism spectrum disorder.
Yesterday I was wound up about it, this morning was worse.
The meeting lasted an hour and it took me a couple of hours to wind down after. My winding down usually means I talk. And talk.
And then comes the real winding down, the one that can come so close to a shutdown that I just keep busy. Finally I write and create an image that draws out and reflects – ‘projects’ would perhaps be a better description – how I feel. Then the process of realignment is over.

What’s it about?

Firstly, the poem describes how I cope in stressful situations – or potentially stressful. Basically I deflect. Avoid. Bullshit. Anything not to square up to the situation.
The perfect example of this tendency took place in the 1990s – 2000s when I had lots of 1-to-1 Art Therapy. The sessions were for one hour. I would tidy where I was going to work, set up my space, gather materials, then set about working. And I would talk while I worked. With usually just 5 – 10 minutes left I would finish. Leaving little or no time for the actual ‘therapy’.
Of course my AT was brilliant and knew exactly what I was doing, and how artfully I accomplished the ruse. And eventually we talked about it and that was the beginning of the real work. Patient and therapist coming together and opening the floodgates to stuff I’d kept hidden for 30 – 40 years.

With the image I’m trying to convey the sense of oppression I feel in these situations. And it’s this oppression that, I suppose, leads to the need for avoidance and deflection.

Do you have situations that you try to avoid, or keep interactions at bay out of a need for survival?
I hope you’ve enjoyed my poem and image about deflection. If you have please like, share, and comment.

Thank you for reading.

Published by Marilyn

Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after fifty years in the mental health system I decided to share my experiences and consider the impact my health has had on my well-being. Being creative is the mainstay of my life and it's how I express my deepest emotions. Photography, writing, and design challenge me and help keep me rooted in the present.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: