“Just let go,” the joker cried, “I’ll catch you.” or maybe not, I thought, my mind in conflict remembering unsaved falls, deceived acquaintances who heard the smooth words and believed. “I’ll give it back.” The small boy whined “Just one go.” but one is never only one - I’d seen when pleasure leads to broken promises and one becomes many without an end except to friendship of those who believed. “Voice inner conflict.” The therapist crooned “I’m here for you.” and all the others who picked their way through confessional states and lonely tracks into the darkness: we whitewash truths and memories try to believe despite the doubts but can’t let go except this time despite long years of disbelief and fear except for now to take the proffered trust that cost so dear to risk another lie - one last roll of the die.
This is how I’m feeling right now, lacking trust for those vital to my well-being. My only hope is that the situation improves.
If you have been in a similar situation I hope my words remind you that you are not alone. It probably doesn’t help much but perhaps it will in time.
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Thank you for reading.
marilyn unmasked 
Is there any ‘truth’ or reasoning behind the lacking trust, a reason for it to be good to err on the side of caution? I hope you can feel a little more confident in those who are there for you, in those who are good for your wellbeing ♥ xx
Hi Caz, I’ve just written a lengthy reply to you only to have lost it. Then I notice that in the address bar it’s comment-666. Yikes. So, I’ll be a lot more succinct.
Unfortunately I’ve been given many reasons to lose trust in my in-patient carers over the years, including instances of various types of abuse. As well as this my husband (being home all the time now) has witnessed the negative interaction with my community mental health support, finding it wanting in many respects. And so he keeps me well away from them as much as possible.
I keep myself well with my writing and arts & crafts, as well as reading super blogs from people like your good self. I love the humour, wit, intelligence, fun, and wackiness. So please accept my thanks – you do more for me than you will know.
Have a good weekend – if Storm Ciara allows – she’s howling like a banshee at the moment. Take care.
Maz XXX 🤗💖