Trust – is it worth the risk?

“Just let go,” the joker cried,
“I’ll catch you.”
or maybe not, I thought,
my mind in conflict
remembering unsaved falls,
deceived acquaintances
who heard the smooth words
and believed.

“I’ll give it back.” The small boy whined
“Just one go.”
but one is never only one -
I’d seen when pleasure leads to broken promises
and one becomes many
without an end
except to friendship
of those who believed.

“Voice inner conflict.” The therapist crooned
“I’m here for you.”
and all the others
who picked their way through confessional states
and lonely tracks
into the darkness:
we whitewash truths and memories
try to believe despite the doubts
but can’t let go

except this time
despite long years of disbelief and fear
except for now
to take the proffered trust that cost so dear
to risk another lie -
one last roll of the die.

This is how I’m feeling right now, lacking trust for those vital to my well-being. My only hope is that the situation improves.

If you have been in a similar situation I hope my words remind you that you are not alone. It probably doesn’t help much but perhaps it will in time.
If you have enjoyed my post please like, share, and comment.
Thank you for reading.

Published by Marilyn

Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after fifty years in the mental health system I decided to share my experiences and consider the impact my health has had on my well-being. Being creative is the mainstay of my life and it's how I express my deepest emotions. Photography, writing, and design challenge me and help keep me rooted in the present.

2 thoughts on “Trust – is it worth the risk?

  1. Is there any ‘truth’ or reasoning behind the lacking trust, a reason for it to be good to err on the side of caution? I hope you can feel a little more confident in those who are there for you, in those who are good for your wellbeing  ♥ xx

  2. Hi Caz, I’ve just written a lengthy reply to you only to have lost it. Then I notice that in the address bar it’s comment-666. Yikes. So, I’ll be a lot more succinct.
    Unfortunately I’ve been given many reasons to lose trust in my in-patient carers over the years, including instances of various types of abuse. As well as this my husband (being home all the time now) has witnessed the negative interaction with my community mental health support, finding it wanting in many respects. And so he keeps me well away from them as much as possible.
    I keep myself well with my writing and arts & crafts, as well as reading super blogs from people like your good self. I love the humour, wit, intelligence, fun, and wackiness. So please accept my thanks – you do more for me than you will know.
    Have a good weekend – if Storm Ciara allows – she’s howling like a banshee at the moment. Take care.
    Maz XXX 🤗💖

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