“Just let go,” the joker cried, “I’ll catch you.” or maybe not, I thought, my mind in conflict remembering unsaved falls, deceived acquaintances who heard the smooth words and believed. “I’ll give it back.” The small boy whined “Just one go.” but one is never only one - I’d seen when pleasure leads to broken promises and one becomes many without an end except to friendship of those who believed. “Voice inner conflict.” The therapist crooned “I’m here for you.” and all the others who picked their way through confessional states and lonely tracks into the darkness: we whitewash truths and memories try to believe despite the doubts but can’t let go except this time despite long years of disbelief and fear except for now to take the proffered trust that cost so dear to risk another lie - one last roll of the die.
This is how I’m feeling right now, lacking trust for those vital to my well-being. My only hope is that the situation improves.
If you have been in a similar situation I hope my words remind you that you are not alone. It probably doesn’t help much but perhaps it will in time.
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