Trust – is it worth the risk?

“Just let go,” the joker cried,
“I’ll catch you.”
or maybe not, I thought,
my mind in conflict
remembering unsaved falls,
deceived acquaintances
who heard the smooth words
and believed.

“I’ll give it back.” The small boy whined
“Just one go.”
but one is never only one -
I’d seen when pleasure leads to broken promises
and one becomes many
without an end
except to friendship
of those who believed.

“Voice inner conflict.” The therapist crooned
“I’m here for you.”
and all the others
who picked their way through confessional states
and lonely tracks
into the darkness:
we whitewash truths and memories
try to believe despite the doubts
but can’t let go

except this time
despite long years of disbelief and fear
except for now
to take the proffered trust that cost so dear
to risk another lie -
one last roll of the die.

This is how I’m feeling right now, lacking trust for those vital to my well-being. My only hope is that the situation improves.

If you have been in a similar situation I hope my words remind you that you are not alone. It probably doesn’t help much but perhaps it will in time.
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Thank you for reading.