What pulls the trigger, flicks the switch?
Turns me into devil or witch?
All that’s positive, all that’s good
banished to hell and bathed in blood.
Search for balance, search for worth,
ways to banish the inner curse,
seek the good of self before birth.
Before rejection – before the pain
before abuse and negative gain.
When evil rears its ugly head
all positive thoughts remain unsaid:
no happy heart, no peaceful soul
no reasoned mind to deflect its goal;
darkest thoughts in darkest cell
no glimmer of light within the hell;
no breath of air just stifled heart
no wings of hope for new-born start.
All efforts now to begin anew
wearying, crushing, exhausting to do.
Tears come far easier than resolve ever does
cutting or overdose a much better option;
so lonely inside myself, hating what I find,
inadequacies of body, inadequacies of mind
can’t look forward, don’t want to look back
don’t want to face all the things that I lack.
Where is the me that sees what is good?
Will it come back before blood is spilled?
Why just the me that knows all the ills?
When can I banish the me that kills?