Reasons to go on: Poems, part 1

Reason to go on: Fear

Lurking in my Head
Who’s that lurking in my head
recounting what I do
describing minute, hour, day
what to think, what to say;
you to me; me to you
what you thought, what you said
spewing lies and fearful dread,
Who’s that lurking in my head?

Creating My Self
I have to be creative, or what is there of me?
A skull without a mind inside, a skin without a soul;
An outer casing clocked on “empty”, a life that isn’t whole.
And so I keep creating a “me” that all can see.

Head block
Music in the head
blocks the sounds I dread
activity for hand and eye
thwarts plans of trying to die
busy-ness of mind
keeps thoughts away unkind.

Darkest hours
In the darkest hours
my deceptive coverlet
makes its unremitting descent.
Honeycomb light
it stifles my senses,
Concrete hard
it crushes my spirit.
Strength sapped
my mind cannot move it,
Only sleep,
deep and protective,
brings peace.
Note: this is about a recurring nightmare that I had from early childhood into adulthood; it never recurred after I had committed these words to paper, perhaps exorcising my demons; the feeling/sensation overwhelmed me as I drifted off to sleep, and I wondered if it drew on memories of being in the womb’s soft cavity surrounded by honeycomb bone that was unyielding to my fragile embryonic hands and feet. Mostly I would pray for sleep to release me but sometimes I would will the terror to visit me.

Alphabet life
bleakly comic
Every fantasy
in ju-ju karma:
Quality release;
X-rated –

Published by Marilyn

Diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after fifty years in the mental health system I decided to share my experiences and consider the impact my health has had on my well-being. Being creative is the mainstay of my life and it's how I express my deepest emotions. Photography, writing, and design challenge me and help keep me rooted in the present.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: